


Big Surprise

by HildyJ



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Drunk Bilbo Baggins, Drunk Thorin, Drunk flirting, Fluff, Humor, Inspired by Fanart, M/M, Size Difference, Size Kink
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-25
Updated: 2015-10-25
Packaged: 2018-04-28 02:37:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5074129
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HildyJ/pseuds/HildyJ
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bilbo and Thorin drink together, reminisce together, and <em>compare</em> together.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Big Surprise

**Author's Note:**

  * For [rutobuka](https://archiveofourown.org/users/rutobuka/gifts).



> This was a birthday present for [Ruto](http://rutobuka2.tumblr.com/), inspired by a piece of their [art](https://40.media.tumblr.com/a82187fa25d54fe40603388699d6b971/tumblr_nvzolwb44j1tduj7qo2_1280.jpg) (NSFW)

‘What’s this we’re drinking, again?’ Thorin slurred as he looked down to inspect the bottom of his cup.

Bilbo sat forward to squint at the bottle on the table. ‘Don’t know,’ he said, leaning back into Thorin’s outstretched arm. ‘But ’s good, right?’

Thorin hummed, taking another deep drink from his cup.

Bilbo closed his eyes as he rolled his head loosely back and forth, feeling the muscle of Thorin’s arm shift under his weight. He hadn’t felt this wonderfully relaxed for a long time.

‘Bilbo?’

‘Hmm?’ Bilbo fell further into Thorin until he slotted nicely in under his arm.

‘Have you ever…’ Thorin made a wide gesture with his cup, almost sloshing the drink over the couch. ‘You know, _been_ with another hobbit. I mean, not a lady hobbit. A- a Mr. Hobbit.’

Bilbo’s eyes were still closed. ‘Been?’

‘Yes, _together_ ,’ Thorin whispered loudly in Bilbo’s ear, ‘In bed.’

Bilbo’s eyes opened. ‘Oh. Oh!’ He laughed suddenly, his shoulders shaking against Thorin’s chest. ‘Well, not in a bed. But behind a tree.’

Thorin took another swallow from his cup. ‘Sounds uncomfortable.’

Bilbo shook his head. ‘Wasn’t uncomfortable. Was kind of nice, actually.’

‘What was his name?’

‘Uhhh…’ Bilbo breathed out a laugh against Thorin’s armpit. ‘Can’t remember his name just now. Maybe when I’m less…’ He twirled a hand in the air. ‘Less…’ He giggled. ‘But what I do remember, is his massive cock! Biggest cock in the Southfarthing!’ He whooped with laughter.

Thorin joined in with his laughter. ‘What- what, was there a Shire-wide measuring contest?’

Bilbo tried to hide his laughter against Thorin’s middle. ‘N-no, stories of him arrived before he did, visiting some family in Hobbiton. And so, I had to see for myself if the tales were true.’

Thorin folded his arm around Bilbo’s waist, holding him close. ‘You always were an inqu- an inqvi – an insq--’ He cleared his throat. ‘A curious hobbit.’

Without thinking, Bilbo let one hand brush over Thorin’s chest, feeling the warmth under his thin tunic. ‘I’d never been with anyone that big before,’ he whispered. ‘When I first saw…you know, _it_ , I couldn’t believe it. I mean, when I held it in my hand, my fingers couldn’t even completely go around it,’ he finished with a small hiccup. ‘’Scuse me.’

Thorin put down his drink and found Bilbo’s hand on his chest. He lifted it up in front of him, turning it and studying it, testing the size of it against his own. ‘You do have a very small hand.’

‘Perfectly proper sized hand, thank you very much,’ Bilbo said, looking at their two hands together. He felt warm and loose and all he wanted was to get even closer to Thorin’s body, feeling that firmness rubbing against him from top to - Oh. Bilbo shifted, feeling his trousers drag tightly over his crotch. It seemed that the memory of that time behind the tree had affected him in a rather lovely way.

He craned his head back to look up at Thorin’s face. ‘Thorin?’

Thorin was still focused on Bilbo’s hand. ‘Yes?’

‘You have very big hands.’

Thorin hummed, threading his thick fingers between Bilbo’s. 

‘If you lived in the Southfarthing…’ Bilbo said slowly, ‘do you think you’d be the biggest?’

Thorin frowned down at him. ‘Biggest hands?’

‘Nooo,’ Bilbo shook his head very seriously. ‘If I met you behind a tree, would I be…surprised?’

Thorin chuckled. ‘I don’t know. Should we go and find a tree?’

‘Too dark to find a tree. Maybe…just do it here?’

He could feel Thorin’s arm tightening around his middle, the heat of it jumping along his spine and gathering in his cock.

‘Alright,’ Thorin said. Without another breath, he let Bilbo’s hand fall back down to lie across his stomach and started trying to loosen the ties in front of his trouser. But the drink and the general looseness of the evening slowed his fingers, and they fumbled lamely for a moment.

Bilbo reached down. ‘Here. Maybe my very small hand will work better.’ The main knot had only tightened with Thorin’s tugging, and Bilbo had to focus what remained of his usually quick mind to get the job done.

Finally, he had loosened all of the ties. ‘There,’ he said, brushing his hand back up Thorin’s stomach while he waited for the reveal.

‘Right,’ Thorin murmured as he scrambled to lift up from the couch while pushing on his open trousers till they were rucked down around his upper thighs.

Bilbo’s mouth fell open at what he was seeing, and he quickly covered it with his hand. He pulled up on Thorin’s tunic with the other, wanting it not to cloud his field of view while he was staring at that – that thing. ‘That’s--’ He swallowed hard. ‘That’s quite big.’

He could hear the smirk in Thorin’s voice. ‘Bigger than Mr. Whoever Hobbit from the Southfarthing?’

‘Oh, yes,’ Bilbo breathed, his hand reaching out towards Thorin’s cock. ‘Is it…?’ He looked up at Thorin, painfully aware of the flush in his cheeks and the bulge in his trousers. ‘Is it alright to touch?’

Thorin’s cheeks were red, as well, whether from the drink or from something else. ‘Yes,’ he murmured, following Bilbo’s hand with his eyes.

The head filled the entirety of Bilbo’s palm, his fingers barely reaching shaft as he curled them around it, hearing Thorin’s quiet hiss in his ear as he did. He moved downwards, only just covering half of the girth with his grip. 

‘Two hands…’ he whispered. ‘I need two hands…’

Thorin chuckled in his ear as the hand around his middle brushed down him until it found the bulge in the middle of his trousers, rubbing it in light circles. ‘Maybe we should find a tree, after all?’

Bilbo giggled as he released Thorin’s cock. ‘The bed’s closer. Come on!’ 

And he pulled at a laughing Thorin until he stood up. They shuffled by the table, banging against it and knocking over the empty bottle as Thorin followed Bilbo into the bedroom.

**Author's Note:**

> [My tumblr](http://hildyj.tumblr.com/)


End file.
